Separation and divorce can feel like being burdened with a heavy backpack, one filled with the weight of stress and grief. For parents navigating these emotional challenges, each day can feel like a struggle to carry that load, filled with the pressure, uncertainty, and emotional fatigue that come with family breakdown. It’s as though you’re carrying bags of cement on your shoulders—heavy, hard to manage, and making even the simplest tasks seem exhausting.
At first, that backpack feels unbearable. It’s uncomfortable, too full, and difficult to carry. Each step you take may seem to add more weight. The emotional toll of stress, coupled with the grief of a broken relationship, can leave you feeling like you’re trudging through every day with a pack that refuses to lighten. It’s hard to get out of bed, hard to stay focused, and no matter how much you wish to, you can’t seem to put it down. The stress of the ongoing challenges, the sadness of separation, and the pressure of managing family life after a breakup can make it feel like the pack is crushing you.
During the early days of separation, it’s easy to feel isolated and overwhelmed. The weight of stress is relentless, like it’s a part of you that you can’t escape. Every moment of your day is weighed down by the uncertainty of the future, the shifting routines, and the pressure of juggling new responsibilities. You might even find that the nights are the hardest—the quiet amplifying the pressure and making the weight of stress feel even heavier.
But just like any backpack, the weight begins to shift over time. As the days pass, the load becomes more manageable. Slowly, you begin to notice the weight lightening. It’s not that the backpack disappears, but you learn to adjust the way you carry it. You figure out how to manage it without letting it overwhelm you. While it may never be completely empty, the burden becomes easier to bear.
As you move forward, you find new ways to balance your stress. You learn to pack the backpack differently, leaving room for the lighter things that come with healing. There are moments of relief—whether it’s the support of friends, small joys in your day, or simply taking time to care for yourself. You may also find that the weight of your stress becomes easier when you share it with others. Leaning on friends, family, or professional support can help redistribute the load, making it more bearable.
Stress after separation is like that backpack—you may always carry it with you, but over time, you learn to manage it. You grow stronger and more resilient, finding new ways to cope, to heal, and to move forward. You start to fill your pack with new experiences, new perspectives, and new relationships. While the strain may always be a part of your journey, with each passing day, it becomes lighter and easier to carry.
Remember, just like any backpack, the weight will shift. Sometimes, you’ll feel strong enough to carry it all, and other times, you’ll need help. It’s okay to lean on others, take breaks, and adjust the load as needed. Over time, you’ll find that although the backpack is still with you, it’s no longer as heavy as it once was. You’ll learn to move forward, one step at a time, carrying your stress but not allowing it to define you.
Zayne Jouma is the founder and Chairman of FDSS. He is a self-taught, trained, and experienced Mediator, Conflict Coach, Court lay-assistant/ McKenzie Friend & Community coach. Zayne has helped many parents through mediation and conflict resolution and has assisted hundreds of Self-represented parents in their Family Court & High Court cases across New Zealand.
