Case Study
Based on a true story. Names and identifying details have been changed to protect family privacy.
Two years. That’s how long Sarah, a mother caught in a drawn-out legal battle in the family court, had been separated from her 10-year-old son, Dylan. Despite her deep love for him, Sarah found herself at a crossroads between court-driven conflict and the hope of reconciliation. With over $50,000 in legal fees spent, the courts had become a battleground of affidavits, mounting tensions, and painful encounters.
Sarah approached FDSS after her lawyer asked her to pay another retainer of $15,000 to fight against her son’s father in the Family Court accusing him with alienating her from her son. She had spent all her savings on legal fees and was wanting to either represent herself without a lawyer or borrow some money to continue the fight.
But, with the guidance of Family Dispute Support Services (FDSS), Sarah discovered that there was another way forward.
This story highlights the importance of choosing connection over contention—why
As Jill Goldson so eloquently reminds us from the Family Matters Centre in Auckland, she said: “There is no legal solution that can compare with one parent recognising the importance of their child’s relationship with the other parent,”
Choosing a New Path
Determined to change course, Sarah committed to shifting her focus from winning a legal battle to restoring peace within her family. Instead of filing more affidavits that could stoke the flames of conflict, she pursued many attempts to initiate Family Mediation and therapy and learnt conflict management techniques through FDSS. The advice she received from FDSS—to reduce conflict, foster healthy communication, and halt the litigation—felt at first like a sacrifice of her own pain, but she soon recognised it as a gift she could give Dylan. Prioritising Dylan’s well-being over her hurt required immense strength, but it marked a turning point in her journey. We acknowledged that it is hard to do that but we supported her through the process.
A Turning Point in Therapy
The real shift came when Sarah and her ex-partner agreed to attend family therapy. With the help of a neutral therapist, they began healing past wounds and creating a space where both parents could feel valued and heard. Each session helped Sarah move beyond resentment, turning her need to “win” into a need to restore stability for Dylan. Gradually, her ex-partner softened as well, and together they began to open the door to genuine communication. As they put aside their differences, a pathway to reconciliation emerged.
The therapist feedback was “Dylan” was very pleased that his mum and dad do not hate each other. Dylan was told indirectly that he now can reconnect with his mum.
Reconnecting with Dylan
After years of silence, Dylan, once estranged from his mother, is now reconnecting with her. They’re rediscovering each other, sharing long talks and moments of laughter that Sarah had feared might be lost forever. Her heart felt whole again, and each new day brought her closer to fully restoring the bond with her son. FDSS supported Sarah how she can maintian her connection with her son.
Sarah’s Reflection
Reflecting on her journey, Sarah felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for FDSS’s guidance and conflict coaching. She shared, “If it weren’t for the coaching and support to take the right path, I would have stayed trapped in court battles and escalating conflict. FDSS helped me see the importance of focusing on what truly mattered—my son’s happiness and stability. I’ll always be thankful for the tools they gave me to put peace before conflict.”
This experience has deepened Sarah’s understanding of the importance of reducing conflict and recognising that family court litigation was not the appropriate platform for reconnecting with her son. It also reminded her that co-parenting isn’t about “winning” in court but about creating a peaceful foundation for the children they love.
Through her perseverance, compassion, and commitment to minimising conflict, Sarah rebuilt a bridge to her son that no courtroom order could ever provide.
In some cases, labeling your case with Parental Alienation does not help.
If you are going through a similar process like Sarah, please reach out – lets have a chat. We offer the Family Separation Navigation (FSN) service. The Family Separation Navigation (FSN) service is a community-led initiative dedicated to helping individuals make informed decisions regarding family separation and children and manage parental conflict.
Zayne Jouma is the founder and Chairman of FDSS. He is a self-taught, trained, and experienced Mediator, Conflict Coach, Court lay-assistant/ McKenzie Friend & Community coach. Zayne has helped many parents through mediation and conflict resolution and has assisted hundreds of Self-represented parents in their Family Court & High Court cases across New Zealand.
