Litigation should be a last resort for separated parents because it often leads to increased conflict, stress, and long-term negative impacts on families. While there are cases where going to court is essential—such as when safety concerns are present or when parents are unable to reach any agreement—most family disputes can be resolved more amicably through other methods, like mediation.
Here are key reasons to avoid litigation unless absolutely necessary:
- Minimises Conflict and Stress
The court process is adversarial by nature, often leading to a “win-lose” mentality where parents end up pitted against each other. This can create more hostility and mistrust, making it harder to maintain a cooperative co-parenting relationship. Mediation, on the other hand, fosters collaboration, allowing both parties to communicate openly and work toward a “win-win” outcome. - Reduces Emotional Strain on Children
When parents take their disputes to court, children are often caught in the middle. Court proceedings can be lengthy, tense, exposing children to ongoing conflict and uncertainty. Mediation aims to minimise children’s exposure to parental disputes, prioritizing their well-being and helping parents find resolutions that focus on what’s best for the child. - Saves Time and Money
Family Court cases can years to resolve and during the process conflict increases dramatically, with high legal costs that can drain family resources. Mediation is generally quicker and more affordable, allowing parents to reach agreements within a matter of weeks, rather than waiting for court dates and dealing with prolonged legal fees. - Encourages Customised, Flexible Solutions
Courts are bound by legal principles and precedents, meaning judges may not have the flexibility to consider the unique dynamics of each family. Mediation, on the other hand, allows parents to create tailored agreements that reflect their family’s specific needs, offering flexibility that may not be achievable in court. - Protects Privacy
Court records are generally public among professionals, which means that personal family matters may become part of a permanent public record. Mediation is a private, confidential process, allowing families to resolve their issues discreetly. - Preserves Co-Parenting Relationships
Court battles often strain, and sometimes even sever, relationships between parents. The more adversarial the process, the harder it becomes to work together post-separation. Mediation, however, encourages open communication and problem-solving, strengthening parents’ ability to work together even after separation.
When Litigation is Necessary
There are situations where going to court is unavoidable, particularly in cases involving:
- Safety Concerns: When there are serious allegations of abuse, neglect, or family violence, court intervention may be necessary to protect the child or either parent.
- Unresolvable Conflict: If all attempts at mediation have failed and the parents are unable to reach an agreement, the court can step in to make a binding decision.
- Legal Clarity: Sometimes, there are legal questions or complexities that require a judge’s interpretation to clarify rights and responsibilities.
Conclusion
Family mediation offers a cooperative, private, and flexible approach to resolving disputes, which can help maintain a positive co-parenting relationship and protect children’s emotional well-being. Litigation should be reserved for situations where it’s truly needed, as it can be costly, time-consuming, and emotionally taxing. By choosing mediation first, separated parents can often avoid the adversarial nature of court, finding a solution that respects the needs of everyone involved.
If you’re facing family conflicts, Family Dispute Support Services (FDSS) can help you find a positive, collaborative path forward. Our family mediation services provide a safe, supportive environment where both parents can work together to create a resolution that prioritises your children’s well-being.
Avoid the stress, expense, and lengthy delays of court proceedings. FDSS offers affordable, flexible mediation services designed to help you reach mutual agreements that benefit the entire family.
Visit www.fdss.org.nz/family-mediation-services to learn more about how we can support you in building a cooperative co-parenting relationship. Take the first step toward a peaceful resolution today!
Zayne Jouma is the founder and Chairman of FDSS. He is a self-taught, trained, and experienced Mediator, Conflict Coach, Court lay-assistant/ McKenzie Friend & Community coach. Zayne has helped many parents through mediation and conflict resolution and has assisted hundreds of Self-represented parents in their Family Court & High Court cases across New Zealand.
