Family Court cases are often emotional and challenging, but when litigation drags on for years, it can take a severe toll on everyone involved, in particular the children involved.
One case in the Court of Appeal in New Zealand, Hirstich v The Family Court at Manukau exemplifies the frustrations of prolonged litigation, which saw nearly 16 years of ongoing legal battles, 99 applications, and the engagement of 26 lawyers by the applicant as of February 2012. Dad was declined to impose a restraining order against mum. However, the Court had restricted her from filing any application without a leave from the Court.
In this case, the sheer volume of applications, many deemed frivolous or vexatious, became an immense burden on the courts and Dad. Frustrations from past judges were echoed repeatedly, with the second respondent, Dad, urging the court to take action by requesting a restraining order to prevent further unnecessary filings.
This case highlights the critical importance of resolving conflict, particularly in family disputes. Unresolved conflicts not only consume time, money, and energy but can also leave lasting emotional scars on all involved, especially children. When disputes are prolonged, the focus often shifts from finding a solution to maintaining the fight, keeping the conflict alive and allowing it to spiral out of control.
It is essential to seek a resolution before reaching this point. Mediation, counseling, and conflict coaching are invaluable tools in helping parties come to an agreement without dragging issues through endless court applications. Resolving the conflict can prevent the emotional toll from deepening, protect the children from unnecessary trauma, and enable both parties to move forward with their lives.
At the end of the day, the goal should always be to reach a resolution that works for everyone, without turning the courtroom into a lifelong battlefield. Prolonged litigation only keeps families stuck in the past when the focus should be on healing and moving forward.
Ultimately, family court battles shouldn’t be about winning or losing—they should be about finding a way to move forward for the sake of everyone, particularly the children. Turning the courtroom into a battlefield does nothing but prolong the pain, while the true goal should be healing and resolution.
Conclusion: The Cost of Litigation on Co-Parenting Relationships, Children, and Parents
Prolonged litigation not only drains financial resources but can also severely damage the co-parenting relationship, affecting both parents and, most importantly, the children. Constant court battles fuel conflict, deepening hostility and making cooperation nearly impossible. This ongoing strife impacts the children, who are often caught in the middle, and can harm their emotional well-being, stability, and sense of security.
For parents, it’s crucial to understand that resolving conflicts outside of the courtroom through mediation, counseling, or conflict coaching can preserve the co-parenting relationship and create a healthier environment for both parents and children. Finding common ground allows parents to focus on what truly matters: the happiness and well-being of their children.
Litigation may seem like the only solution in times of conflict, but it often results in more harm than good. The goal should be healing, understanding, and finding a way forward that benefits the entire family. By choosing resolution over prolonged legal battles, parents can protect their children’s future and rebuild their own lives in a positive way.
Zayne Jouma, Founder and Chairman of FDSS, is a self-taught and trained Mediator, Conflict Coach, Court Lay-Assistant (McKenzie Friend), and Community Coach. He has supported many parents through mediation and conflict resolution, assisting thousands of self-represented parents in Family Court, High Court, and Court of Appeal cases across New Zealand. Zayne is trained in conflict coaching, mediation, and child voice inclusion in mediation, with extensive experience in complex cases involving resist/refuse dynamics, family violence, relationship property, and care of children. He is also a licensed and approved New Ways for Families® Coach, trained by Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute.
