Family court cases can be emotionally charged and complex, especially when the well-being of children is at stake. In some ongoing cases, legal battles have dragged on for over 14 years, often starting with without notice applications. These cases can quickly become mired in conflict due to affidavits and applications containing unjustified or exaggerated allegations that are not backed by evidence. This can set the stage for years of tension, mistrust, and hostility.
The Long Journey of Co-Parenting
For separated parents, the impulse to seek legal protection and certainty through parenting orders is understandable. These orders can provide a sense of security and structure, helping both parents understand their rights and responsibilities. However, it’s important to recognise that parenting orders, while legally binding, do not necessarily bring an end to conflict. In fact, the adversarial nature of the court process can sometimes make things worse, leaving parents locked in a prolonged and bitter struggle. What you write in affidavits shapes your future co-parenting relationship with the other parent
Before filing affidavits or applications, it’s important to pause and ask yourself:
How many years do I still have to co-parent / deal with the other parent?
Co-parenting is a long-term commitment, one that often extends well beyond the conclusion of legal proceedings. Even after the court case ends, you and the other parent must continue to communicate, collaborate, and make decisions in the best interests of your children. The dynamics of your relationship, strained by years of legal battles, can make this task all the more challenging.
The Unseen Impact on Children
One of the most significant, yet often overlooked, aspects of prolonged family court battles is the impact on children. Children are incredibly perceptive and sensitive to the emotional environment around them. When parents are embroiled in conflict, children can feel caught in the middle, torn between loyalties, or burdened by guilt and anxiety. The long-term effects on their mental and emotional well-being can be profound, leading to issues like anxiety, depression, or behavioural problems.
It’s essential to consider these long-term effects before taking legal action. The immediate desire to protect your interests or assert your position must be weighed against the potential harm to your children. What might seem like a necessary step today could have lasting consequences for your children’s future.
The Other Parent’s Perspective
In the heat of a legal battle, it can be difficult to see things from the other parent’s perspective. However, taking a moment to imagine being in their shoes can be a powerful exercise. The other parent is likely experiencing similar fears, frustrations, and concerns. They may also be struggling to navigate the emotional and logistical challenges of separation while trying to maintain a relationship with their children.
Understanding the other parent’s point of view doesn’t mean you have to agree with them or concede your position. However, it can lead to more compassionate and constructive communication, which can ultimately help to de-escalate conflict. Remember, no one likes to be misrepresented or accused of wrongdoing, especially in a court of law. By considering how your actions and words might be perceived by the other parent, you can avoid unintentionally making the situation worse.
The Ripple Effect of Allegations
One of the most damaging aspects of family court cases is the potential for unfounded allegations to create lasting harm. It only takes one affidavit of allegations to set off a chain reaction of mistrust and animosity. These allegations, whether exaggerated or entirely untrue, can cause irreparable damage to your co-parenting relationship. The wounds inflicted by such actions may never fully heal, and the mistrust they breed can linger for years, poisoning the atmosphere in which you must co-parent.
Once the legal process has ended and the judges and lawyers have moved on, you are left to pick up the pieces. The conflict may have ended in the courtroom, but its effects can persist in your daily interactions with the other parent. You may find it difficult to communicate, compromise, or cooperate, all of which are essential for effective co-parenting. The relationship may be so damaged that it becomes nearly impossible to make joint decisions, attend events together, or even engage in basic discussions about your children’s needs.
Finding Alternatives to Legal Action
Before resorting to legal measures, it’s worth considering whether there are alternative ways to resolve your disputes. Mediation, for example, offers a less adversarial approach, allowing both parents to express their concerns and work towards mutually agreeable solutions. A skilled mediator can help you identify common ground, prioritise your children’s well-being, and develop a parenting plan that minimises conflict.
Sometimes, a calm, direct conversation can do more to resolve an issue than any legal document. By approaching the other parent with a willingness to listen and a commitment to finding a solution, you may be able to prevent a minor disagreement from escalating into a full-blown legal battle. This approach not only saves time and money but also helps to preserve your co-parenting relationship, which is ultimately in your children’s best interests.
The Role of Legal Professionals
While the advice to think twice before filing affidavits or applications is sound, there are cases where legal action is necessary and justified. This is particularly true in situations involving family violence, abuse, or neglect. In such cases, the safety and well-being of the children must take precedence, and the legal system is there to provide protection and enforce accountability.
Legal professionals, including lawyers and judges involvement often ends when the court case is closed. After that, parents must navigate the day-to-day realities of co-parenting on their own.
Conclusion
Family court is often seen as the final arbiter in disputes between separated parents. However, it’s crucial to recognise that the court process is just one part of a much larger journey. The decisions made in court will impact not just the immediate future but the entire course of your co-parenting relationship.
Before filing affidavits or applications, take the time to consider the potential long-term consequences. Reflect on how many years you still have to co-parent and the impact that ongoing conflict might have on your children. By choosing to approach disputes with empathy, honesty, and a commitment to peaceful resolution, you can help to create a healthier environment for your children and a more manageable co-parenting relationship for yourself.
Disclaimer: This article does not apply in cases of family violence against one of the parents and the children.
Disclaimer: This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. The information is based on sources available as of the publication date.
Zayne Jouma is the founder and Chairman of FDSS. He is a self-taught, trained, and experienced Mediator, Conflict Coach, Court lay-assistant/ McKenzie Friend & Community coach. Zayne has helped many parents through mediation and conflict resolution and has assisted hundreds of Self-represented parents in their Family Court & High Court cases across New Zealand.
